Keeping Your Focus While Single

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It’s not easy nowadays to be "Twenty Somethin'" and single. It seems that the sole mission of single women today is to seek for a man. We seem to have forgotten that it’s not even our job to seek. We are supposed to be sought after. It is God’s intention that single women be focused on Him. His desires, his will, his purpose for our life. He desires for us to be yoked to Him in mind, body, and spirit. That we live a life of purity and obedience as we fulfill our calling on the earth. In this social media-driven society, however, that has become increasingly challenging. We’ve got relationship goals posts pressuring us on one hand and our ticking biological clock on the other. Somewhere in-between women have stopped pursuing their Kingdom calling and started pursuing their own desire.

One beautiful sister, however, is aiming to change the game. Tiearra Bain is a 31-year-old Miami native who is joyfully crushing her single season. What I mean is she’s not whining and whimpering to God about when she’ll find a man. Instead, she is fulfilling her call to ministry. She’s engaging the youth in dance ministry, encouraging her family and friends to stay strong in the Lord, sharpening her spiritual gifts by teaching on how to build finances and fellowshipping with sister and brothers in Christ every chance she gets. She’s truly walking this thing out. I got a chance to interview her on how she stays so focus during her season of singleness. I hope her wisdom and strength empower you all to do the same.

Why do you think so many women lose sight of the blessings of their single season?

I believe a lot of women lose sight of the blessings of their single season because of the pressure of those around them. One thing, I believe singles lack is the encouragement to stay single if they can. It is always encouraged in some churches to get married rather than enjoying your single season.

Would you say that singlehood is a calling?

 I would definitely say that singlehood is a calling. I believe that God has a reason for every season in our life. To everything, there is a season and a time to every purpose under the heaven (Ecclesiastes. 3:1). In our single season, God is trying to get something to us (lessons to be learned, the character that needs to be built, and more intimate time with him).

Have you ever struggled with the reality of being "Twenty Somethin'" and single?

I did struggle. I would say that’s when I struggled the most because I had just given my life to the Lord is fully committed at the age of 21. At that age, I didn’t know too many young people that were on fire for Jesus. Everyone I spent most of my time with was much older than I was, but they were all married. It was so hard for me during that time that I idolized the idea of being married. It became my focus of everything I did in ministry. I just knew if I did this or that to serve God that my Boaz would magically appear. I struggled with being content, and it didn’t become any easier because my church was full of married couples. It seemed as if every planned event was for married couples only. Now at the age of 31, I believe that struggle helped me to be the better person that I am now in my waiting season. 

What are some practical ways women can stay purpose driven while they're single?

The most practical way that I think women can stay purpose driven is to first understand the blessing of being single. As Paul said, “she that is unmarried care for the things that belong to the Lord, how she may please the Lord” (1 Corinthians 7:32). I would recommend that a woman maximizes on their gifts/talents to be a blessing to others. One thing I believe is most important is that we accept and embrace this season and in that, God will give us the guidance and grace to enjoy this season. A great example in the bible of being available for the kingdom of God is the story of Ruth. She lived a selfless life by forsaking everything she knew to be a help to her mother in law at her time of need. 

How do you stay focused on your purpose and your goals?

I stay focused on my purpose and goals by looking to Jesus each day concerning my plans. I write them all as the word of God tells us and make it plain (Habakkuk. 2:2). I take advantage of the opportunities that I get. Whether it’s to network or to give of my time by serving others. 

Any departing advice or encouragement for women in waiting?

I would encourage the women in waiting by saying enjoy the season that you are in because there are many blessings to receive in this season. There is much peace in being content in whatever state that you are in. Be anxious for nothing because in God’s timing he will make everything beautiful.