Summer Friends Don’t Stay

Every girl has her core group of friends; the ones who she always calls when she needs to vent, always takes pictures for “the gram” with, and plans an occasional girl trip. In the fun moments, it’s very easy to think that these women will always have your back no matter what. Those are your girls, and that’s “your tribe.” But, what if I told you that not all of these girls are your “ride or dies”? Or that some of your closest friends now, may not be your close friends later down the road? Well, it’s a strong possibility, and it’s important that you embrace it.

My mother once told me that you will learn who your real “ride or die” friends are when you experience the lowest moments of your life. They will be the ones to listen to you, sit in silence with you while you cry, and then some. Now, don’t confuse a “ride or die” friend with a “good friend.” A good friend can easily be mistaken for a “ride or die,” because they will listen to your problems, buy you a bottle of wine when you’re sad, and maybe even let you stay at their home for a few months while you get on your feet after losing your job; but, a real “ride or die” friend will do that and then some. They will be the ones to take on your problems as their own, cry with you, pray with you, house you, show up to the major events in your life, and become family to you. I could really go on and on about what a “ride or die” consists of, but trust me when I say that you will know them. They will be the ones who withstand the trials of distance, relationships, arguments, and more.

The reason I want to make sure you don’t confuse a “good friend” with a “ride or die” is because I don’t want you to make the mistake in turning to them when you face storms in your life. I don’t say this to look down on them or cut them off, but to ensure you don’t end up hurt when these “good friends” aren’t there when you need them. It’s not their fault. They are not designed to serve that role in your life.

After I graduated from college, and then graduate school, I was able to easily see who the “ride or dies” in my life were. Right after graduation, I moved out of my home state to a whole new city and began my new life. I made new connections, gain new interests, and picked up new hobbies; but, my “ride or dies” remained a consistent part of my life. While we may not speak every day like we did in school, making time to stay connected and investing in ensuring we continue to stay involved in one another’s lives is how we’ve managed to maintain our friendship. Investing in your relationship is key to maintaining your connection with those friends who will always be a part of your life. But, even in making that commitment to invest it’s also important to know if someone in your life is a true “ride or die,” a relationship isn’t supposed to be forced.

Moving into my next point, those relationships that aren’t truly meant to last in your life will eventually drop off. Whether it’s due to relocating, a situation, or just life in general. People who are only meant to be in your life for a season will naturally leave – and it’s very important to embrace it and let it go. Yes, we want to “work” at our relationships, but just like a romantic relationship, if a friend is meant to be, it will just naturally work. Your real “ride or die” girlfriends will always be there, for every chapter in your life. You may know them now, and you may not figure out who they are until later in your life, but it’s essential to know who these women are in your life; and when you’ve found them, invest time to check on them and continue to build.