Lessons From Mr. Wrong | Derika Crowley
Everyone will eventually experience their first heartbreak. For some, their first will be their last and they end up finding the love of their life shortly after. For others, the first heartbreak ignites a continuing cycle of dead-end relationships. For women, when we can’t seem to snag a man to love us unconditionally, we tend to start thinking the worst. Asking ourselves questions like: “Am I ugly?”, “Am I doing something wrong?”, “Is there another woman?” All of these questions – fueled by slight paranoia – begin to replay over and over in our minds non-stop.
I will admit, I am a part of the second half of women who rarely seem to catch a break when it comes to love. But, fortunately for me, my past short-lived flings have taught me quite a bit about what I want and don’t want out of a future spouse. They’ve also taught me a lot about myself and how I am in relationships with other people, in regard to what I do well and what I can improve on. One guy, in particular, showed me a lot about how much I was willing to compromise for a potential “Mr. Right.” He opened my eyes to reveal to myself that when it comes to men, I’m willing to possibly bend my stances on certain issues instead of standing strong in them. I would be lying if I said that it’s easy to stand up for what you believe in; so, embrace the moments that come into your life and allow you to see the situations you will bend and crumple in.
It took me a while, and a lot of bad experiences, to realize the purpose of the “Mr. Wrongs” in our lives. They are meant to teach us lessons. If I had things my way, at this point I would have been married – or on the way to be married – with my prince charming. But, thanks to my Mr. Wrong, I learned that I was not ready for prince charming. In fact, prior to this point in my life, I couldn’t even tell you if prince charming would recognize me. Before, I was so focused on “getting a man,” that I ignored all of the the red flags. I was shaky on my beliefs and expectations. However, through my past failures, I am now crystal clear on what I want, don’t want, and expect from my future husband.
Hopefully, these lessons I’ve learned from “Mr. Wrong” will help you to identify what you want out of a relationship, and make sure the people in your life you are wanting the same things you do.
Lesson 1: Be upfront about your expectations.
No one likes having their time wasted. If you want a relationship (and even if you don’t) make that obvious within the first few encounters. This way, the option is on the table to either talk about it further or dismiss yourself from the situation. For a long time, I was entertaining men who have stated or shown that they didn’t desire anything serious; yet, I would still keep them around for the sole purpose of not being alone. Not only was it a waste of my time (being someone who wanted a relationship), it gave the other party the wrong idea about what I expected from them. So, when situations came up and I needed them to step up to the plate for something, they didn’t feel like they needed to. Why? Because I never shared my expectations with them.
Lesson 2: Stand firm and your beliefs, and don’t easily be swayed
Another lesson I’ve learned from past relationship fails is that once you establish a rule or share a belief, stick with it. For example, if you don’t want to receive phone calls after 11 p.m. don’t answer the phone after 11 p.m. It’s these little things that tie back into establishing your expectations upfront. Remaining consistent prevents confusion, and allows for the opportunity to see if the relationship has the potential to blossom into something serious.
Lesson 3: Listen to context clues
Now, sometimes you will experience potential “Mr. Rights” who fit all of the characteristics we are looking for – smart, fine, God-fearing, tall, etc. But, they may be counterfeit. Sure, he says he’s a Christian, but is he willing to have sex with you? Does he refer to you as a “friend” or “homegirl?”, “Is he active in a church?”, “Has he mentioned wanting, or not wanting, a serious relationship?” These are all questions to consider as a potential interest speaks to you and you were to hang out with them. They might not directly address these questions (or any questions you have), but you can find out these answers through conversations and their actions.
Lesson 4: Leave gracefully
Point blank, if a guy ends up being “Mr. Wrong” just walk away and don’t look back. Don’t try to make it work, don’t keep asking him to do things, and don’t text him. Just leave gracefully and move on. The best closure can be the closure you receive from assuring yourself that he wasn’t for you and you deserve someone who will be your partner in purpose.
(The following post is shared from DerikaCrowley.com)