By: Brianna Godbolt
Let’s be real for a minute…We can’t always blame a man for the beat up conditions of our heart. This time just might be your fault, girl. I don’t mean to be harsh but I’ve learned that there are some habits that we form when dating that always leave us heart broken. I call them heartbreak habits. Now of course heartbreak habits differ from person to person, but there are a few that seem to grip women across the board.
Break up, Make up: This game is all too familiar to me. One week you break up, the next you're back together. Listen girl, if y'all couldn't get it right the first time you made up, let it go. There’s nothing worse than being in a break up make up cycle with someone that’s ALMOST what you want. That’s usually the case. Break up, make up relationships are usually one’s where both individuals are ALMOST satisfied with the other. You’re sort of on the fence of wether they are right for you but you’re too comfortable and familiar with each other to leave. I know this type of situation is hard but it almost always ends in heartbreak for one or both parties. Move on sis!
Ignoring Red Flags: Okay, so a red flag is any behavioral pattern that is suspect and causes you to question the person you’re with. One thing we love to do is ignore that nudge in our spirit that says, “He ain’t right!”. This happens often at the beginning stages of a relationship. He might do, say or believe in things that make you uncomfortable but because you’re so desperate for companionship you ignore them just so you can call someone “bae”. Sis, it’s really not worth it. Red flags are really your conscience warning you that things won’t end well if you proceed. You are better off listening to the warning signs and leaving the relationships than staying knowing that danger is ahead. What’s more important, your dating status or your emotional health??
Playing House: Alright, now I’m about to get in your business. If he hasn’t put a ring on that left hand, he should not have access to the goody jar. Playing house is when a women gives a man all the benefits of a wife without the ceremonial commitment of marriage. This includes, sex, cooking, cleaning, vacationing, lending money and purchasing property. Now some of those things are okay in the dating stages, but when you mix them all together it’s entirely TOO MUCH ACCESS!!! I know how it feel to want to give the man you love your ALL, but I’ve learned that sometimes our all has to be given in increments to protect our heart. Women always pour so much into a man way before he ever shows he’s even interested. It’s important to practice self control and hold the most precious parts of ourselves back for the man who is willing to give his all as well. The only way to know that a man is willing to give his all is if he is willing to give his last name and his heritage to us. Then we know it’s real. Once married, we don’t have to calculate how much affection we show. We can pour it all out at once. I encourage you to lock up the house, hide the goody jar and wait for commitment. You won’t regret it!
Serial Dating: This is a serious problem. Serial dating is when a person jumps from one relationship to the next without giving themselves time to heal or process their emotional status. There is a saying that says “The best way to get over a man is to get under a new one”. This is the BIGGEST LIE ever! The best way to get over a man is to forgive him and take care of your emotional health. Women often serial date because they don’t want to seem broken or hurt, or they lack self esteem and don’t believe they are valuable enough to be happy on their own. Serial dating is really the affect of a broken heart. And the crazy thing is it always leads to more emptiness and more heart ache. Another relationship is not what you need sis. What you need is to be single for a season and get to know the power and value of YOU! Date yourself for a while, find out what your strengths and interests are. Once you do this you won’t feel so compelled to have someone else validate you.
I hope these heartbreak habits have shed some light on your current situation. Don’t be ashamed if you’ve fallen into any of these categories. Heck, I’ve fallen into all of them. All you can do now is remove yourself from the situation and start taking care of you. There is a man out there for you sis. And you will only be prepared to meet him once you cut off all the counterfeits and rid yourself of these habits that bruise and scar the heart that your future husband will one day eat from. Lets take care of our hearts so that we have a healthy platform for our future families.