Take the Heartbreak: Why I Stopped Using Tinder to Find A Husband

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Take the Heartbreak: Why I Stopped Using Tinder to Find A Husband

By: Raygen Brown

A few months ago, I moved across the country for an adventure. When I figured out where the grocery store was and the fastest way to get to work, I figured I could handle a little dating action. I scrolled through my matches on the-ol Tinder to make sure I didnʼt miss anyone. There was a dorky looking guy with jokes for pick up lines. I liked his jokes, so we met up the next day for tacos and ended up hula-hooping seven hours later in the town square.

A few days later, we met for ice cream and we were off to a dating rhythm. We spent days texting, nights swinging on the front porch lip singing to Adele. Weʼd share stories, popcorn, blankets, kisses, and dreams. I fell hard.

He grew up as a southern Baptist and became disinterested in faith during college. That rang true to my story too, so it didnʼt scare me too far away. But, the more intimate our conversations - and cuddles - became, the more I grew frustrated that he wasnʼt a believer.

So, I tried not to care.

That is, until the conversation about sex needed to happen. We had grown fonder of each other with each day in the few weeks we spent together, so my expectation in telling him this was that he would desire me more than sex, and agree to the wait. You can imagine my surprise when I heard his response:

“I respect that you want to wait. Iʼm not saying we wouldnʼt ever get married, but if you need to wait Iʼm definitely gonna need to have sex with other people.“

The first day without talking to him, is how I imagine checking into rehab would feel. The harder you try not to think about it, the more you do, the more it hurts, and the crazier you feel.

So, despite him being very clear in his sexual expectations, and me in mine, we kept up our conversations for another three weeks while I went back home. We had gotten so close, so fast, that cutting him off was just a little too real for me to handle. So, I pretended that he didnʼt say what he said and we kept on moving forward.

I trust my girlfriends enough to tell me the truth. When I told them this story, they told me it was very clear that I should break things off with him. I knew it was wrong to be with someone out of loneliness. I knew I was slowly crossing my own boundaries. But, at the time, I didnʼt care. I knew my worth. I knew my dreams. I knew that he wasnʼt Godʼs best for me, but I just couldnʼt get myself to care enough to walk away from that connection we shared.

I prayed for the courage to take the heartbreak, and I got it. Enough was enough.

I called him, apologized for being inconsistent, wished him well, and, in front of my friends, deleted his number. Not because I was mad at him, but because I didnʼt trust myself to stay away from a potentially toxic situation.

If I can stay honest, the first day was hard. The second day was just as difficult.

Itʼs been just over for a month, Iʼm now finally free to be honest with myself to pray again and to thank my friends. To all readers, Tinder was never the problem; I was. I wanted to play God. I was interpreting Jeremiah 29:11 as “I know the plans I have for me” which is in no scripture.

I love love, covenant, and fairy tales, but as soon as I began sacrificing my boundaries and convictions for the sake of romance, God allowed me to exercise in my will.

Not worth it.

I stopped using Tinder (really all dating apps) to find a husband because I finally understand that I am not God.

I have good news; neither are you.

Do not try to get ahead of Him. Trust Him. Rest.