Emotional Health: Understanding Men who Compartmentalize


Emotional Health: Understanding Men who Compartmentalize

By: Ta'ler Brooke

Disclaimer: This blog isn’t to bash men, but to understand how it effects women. Webster’s defines “compartmentalize” as the ability to separate into isolated categories. 

When a woman complains that her man is emotionally unavailable or isn’t making a move toward commitment — it’s usually because he is compartmentalizing his relationship. There’s a mental box inside his brain with your name on it. When he feels like opening the box and enjoying the contents, he does. But when he’s done, he puts the lid on the box and places it back onto its own shelf. For most men, some compartmentalization is part of a normal coping strategy. Remember, he has already placed you into some category. It's not your job to prove to him that you deserve better than the "good enough for now" label.

How do you know if he Compartmentalizes:

1. Watch What they Say— “I don’t think I’m ready”. Believe them, they’re not lying. Yes, it’s hard. You want to be “the one”, who changes them. Don’t try. Accept the negative.

2. Watch Their Behavior— Beware of someone who operates the relationship as if it revolves around them. They don’t want to be inconvenienced by having to modify their routine or the plans.

3. Complains about Past Relationships— In a discussion about their past relationships, their relationship break-ups are never because of their behavior or the problems they created. The failures of their unsuccessful partnerships are always based on the faults of their exes.

This term is based on a man’s ability to be emotionally unavailable while keeping all other areas of his life completely active. As far as relationships, the problem is men often have no regard for the effect it has on women. Men end up pushing “the one” away, not allowing themselves to fall for her or can’t fully commit. They’re protecting themselves from “something”.

Here’s the headliner— in order for a man to see growth with a woman he has to be satisfied with his own life. If he’s selfish or healing from a past relationship it doesn’t matter how great you are, he will compartmentalize you. A man wants a woman that he can introduce to his family and friends. The woman he wants the entire world to know is all his. She is a woman that makes him feel confident and strong. He wants all the bragging rights he can get. Make his friends say, “How’d you get her?”

I know you’re wondering. . . “Ok where does this leave me?”. You have two options— ask or leave.

Ask: him to contribute his part of the emotional connection to the relationship. If he doesn’t Leave: the pain of not being able to grow with someone you love is emotionally damaging and unfair.

Trying to understand or change his behavior is impossible. Only they can change themselves! The real trick to relationship happiness is understanding how his brain really works so you don't spaz every time he annoys you. Allow yourself to be in a relationship that has a future. The choice is yours.