Letter to a Twenty Somethin': Being a Strong Woman


Letter to a Twenty Somethin': Being a Strong Woman

By: Tori Glaude

Dear Twenty Somethin'

Being a Strong Woman in a Relationship Doesn’t Mean Doing it All

There’s a common misunderstanding of what a strong woman looks like. We hold the crown on our heads with grace and with very little complaining, while all along enduring day-to-day challenges to keep the crown on. If you learn early on in life to not do it all, you can set the tone for how you’ll get treated for the rest of your life.

Asking for help is in fact a strong trait. 

As much as we would love to believe that if we do something by ourselves without asking for assistance would get the job done quicker, it often leaves us feeling burnt out. If you act like you can do everything in a relationship, you’ll get stuck with doing everything. Asking for help makes him feel needed. 

Consequently, doing everything for your partner lowers your standards in the relationship. The challenge of him being able to keep you in his life comes when you raise your expectations and requirements. You will start to feel like an equal when you both fulfill different roles in the relationship. 

Being able to say “no” makes you a strong woman

    When it comes to activities and conversations you and your partner have, saying yes when you don’t want to will only make it harder for you when you start feeling drained. I used to feel like a people-pleaser when it came to me being in relationships. I was so afraid of his reaction to me saying no that I always went with the flow. In doing so, I wasn’t being real with myself, felt less productive and became the over-worker in the relationship. 

    Saying no to activities you aren’t comfortable doing, such as always being the one who buys the household needs or inconveniently going out with him when you have other needs, shows that you know yourself. It also shows that you aren’t afraid to lose your partner. What’s the worst that could happen from you saying “no”? If your partner gets upset because you declined doing something, then he doesn’t deserve to be with you.

    Don’t be so available to him. Make sure you prioritize you before committing to his needs. Strength is perceived to your partner when you enforce your boundaries and consistently commit to things that you feel comfortable with doing.

A strong woman can stand up for herself

    When something goes against your integrity during the relationship, you know how important it is to keep your voice. I’ve met many women who felt voiceless due to a fear of turning off their partner. Just as we see occur with friendship and family, debates will happen. Sometimes in debates you learn a different perspective or leave the situation “agreeing to disagree.” Expressing how you feel will let your partner know that you can’t be easily swayed by another person’s opinions. 

    In contrast, being able to respect how your partner feels will have him earn your respect. Letting him know how you feel shows that you’re able to hold your own in a relationship and that you aren’t a pushover. 

Not doing it all shows more love than fear

    When we do it all in a relationship, we show that we are more fearful of losing the other person than coming off as loving with our actions. When you have the reciprocated love that you want, the need to do everything diminishes. 

In some ways, we show that we are prepared to do it all when we feel the need to mask our emotions. We confuse not showing a lot of emotions with not showing any, which leads to doing or saying things we may not agree with. Now granted, you shouldn’t make your feelings the constant topic of all conversations, but being able to have a mature discussion about your feelings is healthy in any relationship. You and your partner should always be on the same page with how you two feel. Being a strong woman is showing through your actions how you feel about your spouse without feeling like you’re being taken advantage of.

Bottom-line, the biggest way he can show you that he has respect for you is by letting him carry his own weight. You learn to not do it all through managing your time. When you have you a schedule and a way of doing things, your partner will learn to work with you. It’s important to know that your need to do it all could have an impact on your emotions and may pour into your relationship. Take advantage of being a twenty somethin’ who knows that she is complete without being in a relationship; the relationship complements what she already has in her life.