Sis, You're Single... Not Sentenced
Sis, You’re Single… Not Sentenced
By Sydnie Medina
Imagine if after enduring the most heated court case of your life, you’re being called forth for the final verdict. The judge comes in with the decided appropriate punishment for your actions. Next thing you know, the gavel drops before you even get the chance to plead your case!
…you’ve been sentenced to a life of single womanhood!
I remember vividly the evening my ex broke up with me abruptly. I was sure we were getting married based on our intentional courting. That night, it all fell apart and everything shifted in a way that was effective immediately. Little did I know at that time, in that moment, I had entered back into a life that would lead me to experiencing freedom and completeness beyond my expectations. To celebrate making it through a year of singleness, I want to share new perspectives and reflections to challenge the way people think about living a functional single person. I hope this would help the next young woman who might find herself walking into a single season in her life.
Submit to the process.
Allow yourself to go through the grieving process of your relationship; take it in and feel EVERYTHING. You may even find other areas that may need emotional healing as well. I must admit, this is the most difficult part of the journey. It is vital to stay committed to completing the internal work. You have to renew your mind, accept that the pain you feel shall pass and know that the work you are doing will set you up for a more fulfilled life!
Reclaim your personal time and vision.
You will quickly realize how much time you invested once the texts/calls stop coming in. You will find that there is no default place to be, you just have you. I’d be remiss if I didn’t say that there will be some tough days of tearing down the internal vision of your future that you created with someone who will no longer be in your life in that capacity. It may feel lonely, but this is the time to re-prioritize your life. We have the autonomy to choose how our lives play out. Therefore, take your building materials and get back to the drawing table to make the necessary adjustments. Your future is waiting on you!
Get to the core.
Self-inventory is critical to your growth. The heart issues that are often overlooked or perhaps you thought were dealt with (i.e. mother/father issues, lack of forgiveness, insecurities, etc.) are often causing adverse effects on the way you relate to people. If you do not deal with the root causes now, they will just follow you into other relationships. Allowing this hurt to recycle itself in your life is not healthy for nor responsible of you. Carrying this un-checked emotional baggage is also unfair to any persons you engage with moving forward. Take this time to prepare yourself and ready your heart.
Identify and accept the hard truths.
Take some time for introspection. You are not solely responsible for the break, therefore don’t blame yourself, but do own your part in the relationship. Just because it did not work does not mean you’re a failure in relationships. Learn from it so you can get closure, which may not come how you desire it but is necessary for you to move forward. The goal here is peace, which surpasses your understanding.
Date yourself, learn yourself, love yourself.
Take some “me” time to try some new things, by yourself, apart from others. You might gain a few pounds during your shift from lack of appetite to the ‘loving on me phase!’ Don’t overdo it, but some nights will call for a movie, ice cream, a good cry, and time with Jesus. Press through the growing pains on to maturity. You will thank yourself later. The most beautiful evolution happens when you decide to get relentless about your total healing. When you make time to love on every part of you and embrace your identity, it will show up in your confidence, smile, talk, and walk.
Remember, you are worthy of love.
I will submit to you, singleness is NOT a punishment. Instead, look at it as another opportunity to get it right with yourself.
Listen, life is going to move on with or without you and honestly the end of a relationship is never going to be the end of you. It is just the beginning of getting to know the woman you shall become. I welcome you into life that’s full of self-love, worth, purpose and newness!